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Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Touch Of Spite (2)



See, she did not break my heart. I am serious, she didn’t. Yes, I did not eat for some days, but that had nothing to do with her. I just did not have the appetite.

For the whole week that she refused to speak to me or see me, I had no hunger for food.

I was just worried.
That I did not date another female after her for more than a year didn’t mean that my heart was broken. I am a man, we do not get heartbroken.

Do not argue with me, it is my heart not yours. If a body’s heart gets broken, the body dies. My heart was just fine, still is, thank you.

Nothing really happened too. There was no offense on my part. The last time we were together, it was all blissful panting and enjoyable sighs.

This was routine. So when she did not take my calls the next morning, it was no issue for me. I began to worry when she did not call me or pick my calls the next day too.

Then she sent a text telling me that she wanted to be alone for some time because she wanted to think through some things.

I have never put much stock in what a woman would be thinking, so I felt I just needed to up my game, even though I was sure I was up there with cupid and the other masters of romance.

So I took the Art of Seduction and marked some pages and underlined some great ideas. Then I persevered and wrote some other great insights at the book edges and between the lines.

 But when a girl is evil, there is no strategy that will bring her back. That great book failed me.

Ok, it earned me one last audience with her for some minutes, but I don’t know if that should count because that interview that occurred at her door step was terrible.

When her door opened, joy flooded my heart; I observed that her eyes were a bit swollen and red. I also observed that she did not let me in.

“Sweetie, what happened? What is going on? Did I do something wrong?”

She raised her eyes at me, and for the umpteenth time I wondered what God was playing at when he made those eyes.

Saturday, May 11, 2019

Bachelor's Life- Final episode


After about half an hour of female fury inspired fight between Tina and Funke, they were finally separated. It was after the fight I learnt both of them knew each other. 

According to Funke, Tina had been in the habit of snatching her boyfriends. Tina had denied she was snatching me but was only a friend visiting. Tina, who was really busty had her top torn in such a way her nipples were the only part covered. I could even notice the eyes of the elderly man they were explaining to, constantly glued on her boobs.

The ignominy I suffered in having my private life discussed openly to the ears of neighbors and strangers was award winning. 

It was really annoying hearing the elderly man who eventually settled the matter offering me unsolicited advice on my personal lifestyle and the need to be focused. (Imagine!) The humiliation did not stop there. 

After the matter had been settled and I had received all types of stares ranging from pity to ridicule, my direct neighbor, a woman probably in her mid-forties, called me aside to stress the need to have one stable relationship because according to her, having multiple relationships could lead to me getting infected with sexually transmitted diseases.

After the crowd had dispersed and Funke had been led away by someone who knew her in the area, I was mildly surprised to see Tina silently slipping into my apartment after all that had happened. It was not like she had much choice after Funke had left her half naked.

After listening to my neighbor more out of courtesy than anything, I went to my apartment with a hugely deflated ego. So much for the best laid plans! I was a bit confused as to what my approach to Tina should be. 

Without saying a word, I put on the TV and went to the kitchen to prepare something to eat. I was totally famished. I put rice on the fire and then got one of my vests which i meant to hand it over to her. She looked at me, shook her head and gave the longest hiss I had ever heard.

Normal thing (No be babes?)

“I know you are upset and I am also. I blame myself for all this but what has happened has happened. I didn’t realize that babe was that kind of razz girl and am sorry for the embarrassment I caused. But at least you need to change your clothes and have a shower. Then we can discuss things”

Still no response. She didn’t move an inch but continued staring coldly at the TV screen. Then I dropped the vest near her and went to the kitchen. I returned ten minutes later to see her in my vest. I smiled. That’s a good sign.

She still had the cold look on her face so I sat quietly idling away on my phone. If there was one thing I had learnt from my frequent frolicking with girls, it’s that if you want a girl to come to you, you ignore or pretend to ignore her.

This time, it did not work.

She completely ignored me and continued staring at the screen without saying a word. Even the well-cooked plate of rice I placed before her was left untouched. At that point, I secretly wondered the wisdom of having her sleep in the same bed with me. Who knows what she could do?

Weirdly, that same still voice in me asked why I should not sleep on the same bed with her. After all the trouble, I might as well get some reward for my ‘troubles’. After hours of eerie silence, I stood up to go to bed.

I must have slept for less than an hour when I was awoken by the feel of Tina’s slipping into the bed beside me. My sense went into overdrive. Was I to try my luck or just let things slide?

With those boobs I was seeing, there was only one option. I knew however that before I could try anything, I had to clear the air on the episode earlier in the evening.

“Tina, I know you are really mad at me and you have every reason to be. It’s a mess and I feel really bad myself. How could I have known that that girl was such a low life area girl like that? I promise to make it up to you. Just overlook it.”

She didn’t move a muscle.

“Oya let me help you massage those muscles that the idiot strained.”

Thursday, May 02, 2019

Bachelor Life- Episode 4


I had totally forgotten I had given her my address. Who would have thought she would come to my house directly? 

My plan had been to pick her up from the bus stop close to my apartment. I silently prayed she would miss her way. Problem was that my house can easily be located and was only a stone’s throw from the Bus Stop.

Nervous and panicky, I quickly roused Funke and told her I had to go pick my mum who was visiting from the airport. She noticed my impatient nudging’s for her to leave quickly and asked;

“Na wa o. Why are you so much in a hurry? Are you pursuing me?”

“Noo nau. Not that. It’s just that her flight will land in 2o minutes and I am late already.” I replied.

“So when are we seeing again?” (Which kain babe be dis na? we say make you go, you dey ask when we go see).

“Don’t worry. We‘ll see before the week runs out. I even want to take you to the movies. There’s this movie I want you to watch. I lied.

‘Ok. Am set. Let’s go’, she replied reluctantly.

My phone rang again and I checked the caller; it was Tina yet again. This time, she kept calling continually. I knew she must be pretty close by. I didn’t and couldn’t pick the call.

“Pick your call na, ” Funke said staring at the ringing phone.

“It’s my oga at work. I know why he is calling. I don’t want to pick or cut the call,” I lied yet again.

As we left my apartment, I did not bother locking the door. By now, I was basically a bundle of nerves. I could not think straight.
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