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Monday, April 22, 2019

Bachelor Life -Episode 3

After entertaining her with the baddest shawama in my area along with a cool can of malt drink, I knew I had to ‘do it’ tonight. One rule of the game- you hit it the first or maximum second visit or you can as well forget it. The problem I faced was how to get her to come to my room. Under the guise of showing her around my crib, I invited her to my room to show her around. She simply stood at the door refusing to join me on the bed where I had now nestled myself. Then she went back to the sitting room.

(Stubborn geh)
I was not to be deterred. If Ali does not go to the mountain, the mountain will go to Ali. I went to
where she sat.

I started by playing with her hair. She didn’t stop me so I got encouraged and became bolder.  Then the first hug which was cut short by her pushing me away.

‘What’s wrong with you? What's with all this you are doing?’ she said looking straight at me.
Then I moved closer to her while touching her thighs and acting like I did not hear a word of her earlier protest.

Hope you had a nice day today?’ I asked. Poor question but I just had to distract her from noticing the ‘actions’ being performed by my fingers.

‘Yeah’ Funke replied, looking suspicious.

 ‘You know I love you so much?’ I asked becoming a little desperate while smiling and sweating at the same time, my WMD already beginning to charge.

Funke noticed this and moved further back on the settees. ‘Ya I know. But don’t you think this is too early? You need to stop this or I will go.’ (Go where?)

How? Why would you want me to stop? I want you. I love you’ (At this stage, I could have said I loved Osama!), my sense of reasoning controlled by my rising libido.

“But we just met four days ago and you are beginning to ask for that what you want from me?’ (You should expect this from me dear; after all I am not impotent!).

Realizing I am beginning to lose the game slowly, I knew I had to raise my game.
“Not what you think sweetheart” (This time I adopt the love poet approach the love poet approach and the sweet lies follow).

“You are the only girl in my life and I will never hurt you. Well, if you don’t want it then its ok by me’ (Na lie! What is ok? You must do o. This line almost always works!)

Looking at me pitifully, she said softly; ‘Please don’t feel sad, it’s not that I don’t love you, is just that am scared’. At this point, I decided there was no need for words anymore.

 Somehow, I can’t explain how I found my fingers in between her thighs. I prodded further and felt wetness between her legs. (Game on! Second line of defense broken).

I knew I had succeeded, with one finger still ‘prodding’ her thighs, I started kissing her. Before long and seeing her responsiveness to my moves, I lifted her up whilst still kissing her, took her to my ‘Maracana stadium’ (my room, where else?), gently placed her on the bed, unzipped my fly and unleashed the ‘Krakon’.


I still remember the very first time I had sex with Funke. It felt really good.
Problem was that with every more round of sex I had with her, the desire for her reduced. The ‘over regularity’ of our ‘sexcapades’ coupled with the fact that she lived in my area and was always coming over to my crib for sex, meant I stopped looking forward to the sex.

I had read somewhere about guys possessing one hormone which naturally reduces his desire for a girl he regularly has sex with. I think that hormone was particularly active in me with regards to Funke’s.

These days, perhaps noticing my reluctance to meet with her anytime she asked to come over and see me, Funke had developed a knack for coming over to my house without notice. Aided by the fact that she knew when I was home because I usually drove past her house on my way home from work, she would just show up at my door knocking and banging the door like we shared the same flat.

I had decided I would tell her off and strongly resist that habit. Problem is the erection I get every time I saw her always ensured I forgot about any other thing than tapping her ass.
Today was different.

Today, Tina was coming and I was not ready for anyone to spoil my plans. I had arranged and agreed with Tina to have her stay for the night and I had to get Funke out of that place or everything becomes complicated. No stories. I am telling her off this time!

I opened the door and saw Funke in the tightest seductive mini skirt I had ever seen. She also wore a tube that was so tight it made her boobs look like they would pop out at any minute.
If her dressing got me aroused, then her next few words after she stepped into my apartment got my joystick charging;

"You ehn! You‘ve been avoiding me for some days abi. Well you are not running anywhere today. I am not letting you go till I screw your brains out today."
Immediately two streams of thought went to war in my head; one told me to get Funke out of my crib before Tina came. Another one told me to give her the screw of her life and call Tina to reschedule.
From nowhere, a third one told me to have the best of both worlds- ‘screw Funke before Tina arrives’. I agreed with this rather innovative line of thought and quickly decided to go with the third line of thinking.

Without saying a word and without locking the door, I reached out for my wallet, retrieved the condom I had inside and rushed Funke like a sex starved ex-convict just released from prison.
With one swift movement, I gently pushed her to turn and face the wall. She promptly went with the flow and stamped her hands against the wall whilst she separated her legs wider for easier ‘entry.’


A quick glance at my wrist watch, some minutes later and I realized it would be about 10 or so minutes before Tina would show up. Then I noticed the blinking of my Blackberry phone across the room on my table and got the feeling Tonia would have called. I strolled to pick it up and my feeling was confirmed. I saw three missed calls and series of BBM messages from Tina;

“Am in Ojuelegba now.”
“I have gotten to Surulere. PING!!!”
“y aren’t you replying? I ve also been calling you nau”
 “Am just standing in the bus stop looking like a fool.”

“Where are you? Are you home? Should I just try and locate your place?”

‘Am on my way, I ‘ll try and locate it”
“Where are you? Are you home? Should I just try and locate your place?
“Call me immediately you get this”
I checked the phone again and realized the last message had hit my phone like 5 minutes before and judging by the distance between my house and the bus stop, I knew she would get to my crib anytime soon.
Shit! Shit!!Shit!!!

To be continued

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