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Sunday, November 25, 2018

For The Love Of...Him (2)

I honestly don’t know what to do. My best friend says he doesn’t deserve me and I should break up with him, but she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t understand what Somto and I share. Maybe she just doesn’t know that what we feel for each other is true love. He’d never hrt me. Not without a good reason. Somto is my life. He’s my world. I can’t imagine myself without him. Somto makes me feel.  Besides, if I break up with him, who’s to say that the next guy won’t be even worse? Hell! Who can be like Somto? He’s a good guy, and I’m sure he has his reasons for wanting to be with Rahila.
I’m hurt now, and when he touches me or kisses me, I can’t help imagining his hands and mouth on Rahila’s perfect body. And I wonder, does she respond to his every touch like I do?  Does she scream his name? Does he have a pet name for her? Does she love him like I do? There are so many questions. Last night, he kissed me after we made love, and when he whispered ‘I love 
you. Only you’, I cried. I had to tell him they were tears of happiness when he asked why.  Somto, if you love me and only me, why am I not enough for you? Why are you with Rahila?
I have to find a way to make him happy. If I can do that, I’m sure he’ll leave her and stay with me. I can’t lose him.  I don’t care, and I won’t mind if he beats me and is a bit mean, as far as I have him, and he loves me. I’ll do whatever it takes to not lose him. I’m going to try my best to win him back, but if I have to share him to have him, then so be it. Nobody will ever be able to make me feel the way he makes me feel I only hope he’s been using protection. I’m sure She is a slut, and I don’t want my baby to catch any nasty infection. I know now that I will never be able to confront him about Her, but maybe, just maybe one day I’ll realize she’s just been a very vivid bad dream. Somto, you and I were made for each other. Don’t let this other woman come between us. I need you to love ME.
  Only me.

   The End

                             Five tips To Reignite A Waning Relationship


Remember those early days in your relationship? The time when you and your partner could not keep your hands off each other, when you called each other constantly, stayed on the phone for hours and talked all night? Now time has passed and the spark is gone. While the lovey-dovey feeling of the early days are not sustainable over time especially in a long term relationship, a total lack of passionate love in a committed union could be harmful to the relationship.

 So, how do you get the spark back in order to save your relationship?
 Relationship experts often believe that a total lack of passion in a relationship could be caused by certain factors some of which are lifestyle related.

Our modern lifestyles can be serious relationship dampeners. Work and other commitments can lead to stress and exhaustion while childcare, finances or other factors can further create strains on your health, wellbeing and relationship, including sexual intimacy.

So how do you fix this?


 One way is through communication. Clear and effective communication – both verbal and nonverbal – is a very important factor in restoring emotional and sexual intimacy.

Talk out your issues, schedule some play time together, or have a once a week 'date night.' All can help bring you back together as a couple.

Emotional intimacy, which is closely tied to sexual intimacy, is important as it is the glue that holds relationships together. Excessive conflict or emotional disconnect in the relationship can move a couple apart, in bed and out of bed.

. Nurture

Remember what brought you together as a couple in the first place. Was it your attentiveness and sweetness, his openness and sense of humor, or the way you held hands and gazed at one other?

These are the nutrients essential for a healthy and passionate relationship. In dealing with the demands of life, you may have kept the beauty and tenderness of romance as a distant memory, thinking of it as a passing dream.
This need not be. It can be a part of your reality if you bring it out and nurture it on a daily basis. Infuse your relationship with plenty of attention, appreciation and affection.

 Do something together with your partner

To reignite your relationship, you want to mimic when you first started dating. One way to do that is by engaging 'in a new activity or interest with your partner. Doing novel activities with your partner enables you to reexperience the original emotional state at the beginning of your relationship'
In other words, trying something new sparks excitement, producing passion. You can do anything from deep-sea fishing to salsa dancing to hiking a mountain to eating at a different restaurant.

Add the element of mystery or surprise.

Both mystery and surprise also mimic the emotional state of a new romance.
Here, little gestures also go a long way such as surprising your wife at work and whisking her away for lunch or sending a greeting card in the mail.

Do something that kicks up your adrenaline and arousal

Young relationships start out with an adrenaline rush. Your heart races, you get giddy, you’re alert, awake and excited. Studies show that the arousal that’s created through an adrenaline-producing activity can get transferred to your partner and your relationship.
Arousal-generating activities can include exercising, going on a vigorous hike or a roller-coaster ride.

 Take a mini-vacation just the two of you
Get out of the house for “at least one night and two days…somewhere that interests both of you and creates new memories together. Somewhere you can spend unpressured time, so you can truly relax. And the good thing is you don’t have to go far from home or spend a lot of money.
The key is to spend quality time together away from home. Studies show that for women, in particular, getting away is important as they feel more passionate when they’re away from the pressures of their lives especially home and work related pressures.
Even if you have young kids or are super-swamped with work or other responsibilities, getting some 'alone time' is vital to reigniting the waning sparks in a relationship. t

Touch more often
Touch produces arousal, comfort and support both physiologically and psychologically, according to experts. It could be something as simple as holding hands on a walk, a hug, kiss or embrace daily- this reminds you that you are bonded with each other.

In the midst of busy lives, financial responsibilities, kids and holding down a household, couples can easily forget to have fun. Couples can play in many ways, too which need not cost anything like just chasing each other round the house in a pretense fight or even pillow fights like you did in the early days of the relationship.
When reigniting your relationship, the key is to shake things up consistently. So the next time you plan date night, think about the elements of newness, novelty and the element of surprise.

Sunday, November 18, 2018

For The Love Of...Him (1)

It all feels so unreal. Somto is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I met him just two years ago, and it’s been heaven since then. Tall and handsome, with a body the men on the covers of romance books would kill for, and a smile that could turn Medusa to butter, he is the stuff of fantasies. Have I mentioned his eyes? Those toffee-brown pools that turn me to jelly and weaken my resolve… mmmm. I’m going on and on, right? Well, don’t blame me. I’m just a girl in love, and I consider myself very lucky to have him.
I’m not ‘very’ anything, you see. I’m not very pretty or very curvaceous or very bold, but Somto makes me feel like I’m the only woman in the world.  We’ve been dating for 18 months, and I fall deeper in love with him every day. He shows me off to all his friends and even random strangers, and is the most romantic guy ever. I especially love it when he sends  those little cards with cute messages to me when I’m at work, and how he winks and mouths ‘I love you’ from across the room. His friends ask me what ‘Calabar jazz’ I give him to eat that has made him practically blind to other women, and that question makes me laugh every time.
What we share transcends desire, lust, or even love. Do you know what it feels like to be so in tune with someone that you complete each other’s sentences and know what the person is thinking at that point in time? And this, without being a twin or using 'jazz?' Of course, we have our little quarrels like any normal couple, but getting to make up makes up for everything (pun intended). Yeah, we have great sex and great conversation. Somto became my best friend, my lover, and my confidant.  My mum and sisters adore him, all my friends like him, and even my granny has proclaimed that she is not going to the other side until we get married and give her a baby to name. He is perfect. So perfect I should have known before now, that something was wrong.
Yeah. My darling Somto, my nwokeoma, is cheating on me. Apparently, it’s been going on for almost 6 months. I know, because I read the Facebook messages between him and Rahila (beautiful name, isn’t it?). I am now a strong believer of the saying: “curiosity killed the cat”. I had never suspected Somto of infidelity, not even when I went through his Facebook, and not until I started reading those messages. I found out about Rahila when I went over to his place to see him 3 weeks ago. He gave me his laptop to surf the net with, but went out to drop his clothes off at the drycleaner’s, and when I tried to open Facebook, it was his profile that showed up. I guess he didn’t bother signing out since he’s usually the only one to use it. Anyway, I read his friends’ posts, and even laughed at the funny ones. Unfortunately, my finger clicked on the ‘messages’ link after a brief internal war. Curiosity!

From what I read (I started from the top after seeing the thumbnail of her sexy profile picture), they met on a flight from Lagos to Benin, and had a conversation so good that they decided to exchange contact information. Of course, the ‘friendship’ developed into something else, and God knows, after seeing her photos for myself, I do not blame him. If I were a guy, or even a lesbian, I’d hit that. It hurts, though. I read messages he sent to her on our anniversary, telling her how ‘last night was amazing’, and ‘you are a naughty, naughty girl, and I’m going to punish you tomorrow’, and when Rahila asked about ‘miss goody two-shoes’, and ‘can you put her to bed and come over?’, his reply was about how he would have loved to be with her, but had to ‘stay with Her, so she won’t feel bad’.  You said you liked that I am homely and not so bold. Do you want a naughty girl, Somto? I can be a naughty girl for you.
That was three weeks ago, and since then, my life has been miserable. I know I should confront him about it, but somehow, I can’t bring myself to. What if I do it and he agrees he cheated, but is not remorseful? What if he decides to break up with me? Maybe I did something wrong and it is his way of punishing me. Maybe if I dress more provocatively, or change my hairstyle, or….. Somto, whatever I did to deserve this, please forgive me. Love me again, Somto. Love ME.
 To be continued
By Ms Sarah courtesy

Tuesday, November 06, 2018

It's A Love Story (9)

All the while, my search for Cindy had yielded nothing. I had gone through our yearbook and found the contact details she put up there. I found only a house address. I went there and found that they had moved out a long time ago. They didn’t have any idea where they had moved to. They said Cindy and her mum moved out after her father died and Brian went to jail. Brian Sullivan in jail? I was shocked to hear that. 

I knew Cindy had a lot of explaining to do, but that would happen only if I found her. But I did not. The social network, ‘Facebook’, did not help either. Entering ‘Cindy Sullivan’ in the search box came back with no results found. Entering ‘Cindy’ alone came back with about five thousand search results. Perhaps she used another name that I did not know, I thought to myself.

I had not seen Tony since I returned, Martha said I shouldn’t contact him in anyway, she said it would spoil the plan. Her reason made sense to me then, “We don’t want him linking you with what happens to Seun, do we?”

Martha came to visit me in my office; she came often but this time was different. “I have the items” she said, “All that’s left is for you to make up your mind.” Then she showed me the drugs and the gun. I couldn’t hide my surprise, even though we had talked about the plan severally.

 “This weekend would be perfect. We would strike as early as possible. Her security guard will let us in, I have settled him.” Martha made it seem like a covert operation not a fight for love. She made it look so easy, but I was clearly scared. I had not handled a gun before, not to talk of pointing it at someone. I wonder why I ever listened to her.

It was all like a dream to me, one moment I was standing in Seun’s living room pointing a gun at her, and the next I’m in the defendant stand of a high court in Lagos. I was charged with attempted murder and drug trafficking. I was even more shocked when they called the first witness.
“The court now calls the first witness, Martha Okorie”. I almost fainted, matter of fact, I think I did. But that wasn’t the end. The evidence brought forward was incredible; there were death threats from me to Seun in form of text-messages and e-mails, and the police confirmed Martha’s statement that she saw me pointing the gun at Seun when the police came in to save the day.

I had no case, plus my lawyer was such a bloody greenhorn. He couldn’t tell that everything was a set-up. I had fallen into a trap from day one. From my meeting Martha on the plane to her assistance, everything was a hoax and I was far too dumb to see otherwise. I realised later that everything was staged by Seun. 

Martha was like her ‘Operations Officer’ or something like that. She tracked my progress all through my stay in London and all the way back to Nigeria. A file on me was opened the day I accepted Seun’s offer in my living room, and my whole life was being watched on a big screen. That day at the eatery, it was Seun that Martha had met with before I came in. The death threats were sent from Martha to Seun to implicate me. She made sure to leave my initials, M.A, at the end of every text-message, and the e-mails were sent from an address, ‘’. I noticed the dates on the threats too, they started coming in two days after my meeting with Martha in the eatery.

The so called plan Martha had, was the final spell. I was to point the gun at Seun and make her scared and submissive, and then give her a piece of my mind, while she, Martha, went in and planted the drugs. Then we would call the police in to search and find the drugs, and arrest Seun for drug trafficking. There was never a plan to kill her, the gun wasn’t even loaded. The plan was intended to set Seun up, not me. I was arrested by the same officers we had brought to arrest Seun. Martha had been to the police before then to tell them that she was being coerced to be an accomplice to murder, but that she had a plan. I walked into a well laid plan that I had thought I was in control of.

This morning, I overheard two warders as they walked past my cell; they were talking about the governor of Lagos State granting pardon to some criminals, they mentioned a name, I heard one say “…Brian Sullivan, dem say im kill im papa wey rape im sister. How person go rape im on daughter sef, na wa o”. Brian? That’s Cindy’s brother, I remember. I remember Cindy’s story again, the one she told me the night before graduation. I wish someone had fought my course for me, like Brian did for Cindy. I wouldn’t be here now.

I don’t blame Seun anymore, for anything. She did give me an opportunity that I willingly accepted, and I had the opportunity to refuse. She gave me a good education, a chance for a good and perhaps happy life; but I wanted to eat my cake and have it.

I remember the last thing my brother told me before he died, I didn’t think then that it was a warning to me, he said, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Now I guess I fully understood what he meant. Today it rained for the first time since I’ve been here; I guess that’s a good sign.

 I am hopeful.


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