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Friday, October 13, 2017

The Cause of Husbands (2)

This month, Perpetua had no tales of woe to share. Chris was still pilfering, mind you, but Perpetua couldn’t care less.

 Since the last time she and her friends met up, she had run into this hunk of a man. He was courteous, friendly, and generous with compliments. Perpetua was seriously toying with the idea of doing something about all that attention she was getting.

 An affair, perhaps. As she headed to Chinyelu’s place earlier on that evening, she was intent on asking her friends for advice. More really to replay every detail of her encounters with Solo, to hear their analyses of the hints she thought she was picking up from him were really there. 

She prayed she was not imagining them, because she liked Solo. Moreover, had she not earned the right to be unfaithful? She needed an outlet for all the pent-up resentment she had for her marriage. 

But then, she wondered, what was it with her and gorgeous broke men? Good thing she was not going to marry this one, so she would not have the extra expenses from his family to add to her burden.

Perpetua would have had a tough time getting Chinyelu interested in what she hoped to do with her privates. Chinyelu, after all, had troubles of her own.

 Her eldest daughter had gone missing from her boarding school in the beginning of the week. The school proprietor had been beside herself, with numerous back and forth phone calls between her and Jideofor since Wednesday when Imelda’s absence was brought to her notice. 

It was the most trying time for Chinyelu. Jideofor was accusing her of aiding and abetting Imelda to run away. Why he’d think that, she could not fathom. He was threatening the school with police arrest and lawsuit for kidnapping.

 In fact, for the past three days, he had gone insane. He was screaming at everyone and everything. Chinyelu nearly called up her friends to cancel their weekend routine. That was before word came of where and with whom Imelda was. 

It was not good news.

As bad as Chinyelu had it, Isioma was having the rottenest fortune of them all.

“Tommy left me!” Isioma wailed. “He ended our marriage, the sonofabitch!”

She did not look pretty today. Her hair was disheveled, her mascara running, and her clothes smelt of sweat. Her face was swollen from crying too hard and too long.

“Take it easy, love,” Perpetua tried to console her, letting her exciting news take the back-seat.

“Why would he leave me? Why? I mean, I’m a good wife. I’m good in bed. I cook like a chef. I look damn good, my shape is tamtam. I’m tall like a model, have big boobs, big ass. I mean, who would look at me and think I’ve two kids? I earn good dough, I hold my own. I’m intelligent. I’m the total damn package, dammit! And I take his shit! I mean, I put up with his nonsense. Why would he leave me?” She cried, heart-wrenching sobs that almost brought Perpetua to tears herself.

“It’s ok, sweetie. Whoever he left you for can’t hold a torch to you, that’s for sure.” Perpetua said, meaning well, but looking over her shoulders at Chinyelu who was quiet all evening.

“No, he didn’t leave me for another woman,” screamed Isioma. “Why would you even think that?”

Perpetua was dumbfounded. “Well, I just thought –”

“Why would you ever think that, that’s what I want to know? Because that’s the commonest reason men walk out on seven years of marriage? Well, that’s not the case here.”

“I’m sorry.”

Isioma was not done. “We were having arguments here and there. Little arguments about things that didn’t really matter in the grand scale of things, when you think about it. He said I have too much drama. I think he’s the king of it, but he just can’t see it because that’s who he is. Maybe it all got too much for him to handle, that’s why he left. Not because of another woman. But for you to actually think that, it tells me what kind of friend you really are.”

“Isioma, please forget Pep said that,” intervened Chinyelu, with a tone that bordered on nonchalance.

“Right. I bet you would say that because you thought the same too, isn’t it?”

“Well, like you said, it is the commonest reason.”

“I’m so disappointed in the two of you right now. I mean, I’m utterly disappointed. I’m going home. I didn’t want to come today, but I reconsidered as I thought I’d get sympathy. Gosh! Please, I’m sorry to have to do this, but I’m out of here. Good night.”

Neither Perpetua nor Chinyelu made an attempt to stop Isioma. As a matter of fact, the moment she closed the door, Perpetua eagerly went to sit next to Chinyelu on the ottoman.

“She doesn’t know?” she asked Chinyelu.

“I didn’t tell her.”

“Ha! Wahala dey oh. If she’s like this now, what will she then do when she finds out?Kasala go burst.”

Chinyelu waved her concerns off. “I’ve bigger problems than that, Pep.”

“Kai,” Perpetua hissed, shaking her head. “So, what’s the latest on Imelda?”

“Jideofor is furious, as you can expect. He says he’s not taking it lying low.”

“I can understand. My Chris would have skinned somebody; his daughter kwa!”

“Before nko. Tommy cannot seduce our seventeen years old daughter and get away with it. Jideofor doesn’t care what Nigeria says their age of consent is, he’s going to have Tommy arrested for statutory rape.”

Perpetua gasped. “Chineke me e. Isioma will just die!”

“Whatever she wants to do with herself is up to her, jare. I support my husband,” Chinyelu declared. 


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